Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
