So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
