he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
