apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
