is your mom at the bar?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
