Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
