I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
