If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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