She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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