You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
