Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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