Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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