wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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