You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She's JV to your varsity
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
