Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
