I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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