i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
