Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
