Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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