I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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