fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I think people are normalizing furries
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
