I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
