Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
