Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
