If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
