I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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