you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
