I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
