i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
