have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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