therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
