your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
