I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Randomize
