every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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