Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
