If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
