a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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