Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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