I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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