It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
