im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
