just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You have to summon your inner elephant
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
