Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
