and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
