No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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