Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
