No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
