I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
