My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
