he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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