I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
