Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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