u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
