If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
